The End is Near. Introducing the Porsche 918 Spyder.

Many people, including Nostradamus, have predicted that the End of the World will likely take place in December of 2012. Skeptics, who's job it has been to doubt such ludicrous beliefs and statements made by worthless biggots, are left with the strongest proof yet of this apocalyptic prediction. The beginning of the age of hybrid technology in the Supercar world is upon us.

The destruction of a way of life, that of a purely gas powered engine, who's rumble vibrates and creates a moist river of love and satisfaction between a woman's legs will soon be on its way out, thanks to ridiculous looking pricks, the environmentalists. Porsche, who was once the most profitable car company in the world, has chosen to concede defeat and has embraced their cowardice with the introduction of the new 918 Spyder.

This open two-seater is powered by a high-speed V8 developing more than 500 bhp and running at maximum speed engine of 9,200 rpm as well as electric motors on the front and rear axle with overall mechanical output of 218 bhp (160 kW). An emission level of just 70 grams CO2 per kilometre on fuel consumption of three litres/100 kilometres (equal to 94 mpg imp) truly outstanding even for an ultra-compact city car, on the one hand, combined with the performance of a super sports car and acceleration from a standstill to 100 km/h in just under 3.2 seconds, top speed of 320 km/h (198 mph) plus, and a lap time on the Nordschleife of Nürburgring in less than 7:30 minutes, faster than even the Porsche Carrera GT, on the other.

Yes, the consumption levels, and performance figures are quite remarkable. Yes the car looks incredibly sexy. Regardless of the previous stated facts, I cannot but help to think that this car is purely built for the sake of marketing and image. Porsche wants to please the anti-Christ, and they believe that Porsche 918 Spyder is the vessel that will lead them right to him.

Many of us know how environmentally unfriendly the lithium ion batteries are. Wouldn't a simple turbocharged six cylinder engine be much more efficient than having V8 engine, additional electric motors, and a battery that weighs over 100 kilograms?

I'm no engineer, but I have studied psychology, and I can confidently say that we are going through an important turning point. This is the time when we men need to grab on to our balls more than ever. Let us stand up side by side and fight for the preservation of our lifestyle. We say: Thank you Porsche for designing such an awesome looking car, but no thanks to the dickless engineering that you have put in it. A battery belongs in a woman's toy, and has no place in a man's toy.

LAMBORGHINI GALLARDO NERA

Darkness has taken over the automotive world, and the Lord of Death is riding in a Lamborghini.

Showing it's finesse in customization ability, Lamborghini has come out with the Gallardo Nera. This limited edition satisfication on wheels will re-invent the term VIP parking at exclusive night clubs and restaurants. Pulling up to any private event at night will never be the same again. The car's all black look will instill fear and curiosity in people, and some might even have the desire to repent their sins thinking that the Grim Reaper has finally arrived.

Step into its luxurious cabin and allow yourself to enter a world of white and black leather. Yes similar to interracial couples, this contrast creates the perfect balance of extasy. Take a look at the pictures, close your eyes, and realize how much suffering this article causes you, knowing that you might never get the opportunity to experience such beauty.

As for the lucky few who have made it big, drive down to your nearest Lamborghini dealership, ask for the Nera experience. I can tell you that it has been one of the best experience I have had in the past 48 hours.

MERCEDES-BENZ CL 63 AMG DEBUT

There seems to be a pattern in Paris where car companies want to debut their high powered chariots of fortune. AMG has unleashed a behemoth, the CL 63 AMG. Unlike its more powerful sister, the CL 65 AMG, The 63 is powered by the new AMG 6.3 liter V8 engine. Good for 525 bhp and an elephant busting 630 nm, this sleek chunk of metal reaches 60 mph in less than 4.5 sec.

Driving this car is not recommended, because it creates an illusion of tranquility and happiness, when in reality the world surrounding you is chaotice and despicable. So to you people out there who can afford this civilized piece of engineering from Germany's dirty south, I salute you. Keep on the hard work and remember how many poor and famined children you may have saved, had you not indulged yourself.

HYDROGEN POWERED BMW

As our world's natural resources are depleted by our selfish capitalism, BMW has taken the reigns and managed to build the first hydrogen powered automobile ready for the consumer market. Thank you BMW for saving the Environment. May your cars not blow up like did the Hindenburg.

Under the hood is a mighty mouse V12 engine putting out about 265 bhp. Not much for the sake of power, but for all you must have maniacs out there, who have to have the latest and greatest, happy shopping!

I understand that hydrogen is a clean source of energy, but when a car reaches 60 mph in 9.5 secs and has less power than my rotary engined hydraulic screwdriver, there is nothing to celebrate.

ALFA ROMEO 8C COMPETIZIONE

Alas, the company that has been plagued by filthy engineering has come up with something worthy of a test drive! Presented at the 2006 Paris Motor Show, this Italian masterpiece showcases the possibilities of an entire pasta eating community unifying their thinking. With its V8 4.7 liter engine producing a not too shabby 450 bhp (Butane Helix Power), and its light weight material, enthusiasts the world over will experience the light at the end of the tunnel in no time.

The 8C's heritage is quite rich, but that is unimportant. As a true enthusiast, the only thing that matters is the present moment. At a time where some companies look for designing cues to revolutionize the shape of automobiles, Alfa Romeo keeps it real, and more importantly keeps it classy. Bravo to you greasy haired wannabes. You have truly impressed me.

AUDI Q7 V12 TDI

When the ancient Arabs crossed the desert, they would never have imagined that one day the descendants of the Third Reich would enter their sacred desert land in such sophisticated style.
Powered by a 500hp V12 TDI engine taken from the competition crushing R10 racecar, Audi has impressed us yet again. Their fearlessness has truly defied nature and is so tempting to the human senses that I am awarding them with the True Auto Enthusiast's news of the day award. Congratulations Ingolstadt residents, your global warming causing factory has surpassed our expectations.